i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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