how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Randomize
