I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
