Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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