I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
