Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
smell my finger.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
