So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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