There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
