cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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