I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
