yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
