Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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