You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't put those talents on a resume
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
