He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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