YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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