He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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