dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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