They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Randomize
