Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
