Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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