I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My sheets look like a crime scene.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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