We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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