i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
