I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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