Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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