It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
