12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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