I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
