I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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