she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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