We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
