Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
