I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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