It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
