im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
