She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
