It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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