Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
