Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
