a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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