At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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