Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
