The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
