remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
