I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
