peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
