I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
