You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
