You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
