I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
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you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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