I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
