I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
