Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
