i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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