So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
