i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
