Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize