I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
