I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
