around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
