I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
