I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
