Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
