he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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