I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
