i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
