I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
