is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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