I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
