Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
