Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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