When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
