Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
