she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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