do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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