At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dignity is for republicans.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
